i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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