He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
