i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
