we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize