I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
