don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
