God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
