Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
