I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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