Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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