oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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