By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
