if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
