that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
