I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
