I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
