Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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