worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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