don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
