You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
