I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize