She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
