she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
