She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
