remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
