Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
