I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
