GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
