Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
