I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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