If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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