I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize