ya dads aren't the best wingmen
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
