Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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