so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
