so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
