Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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