I feel great
I just peed on a car
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
