Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
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couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize