Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
