If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
