i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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