I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Your penis caused this!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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