Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
