and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
