Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
