it was like his penis was on wheels.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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