Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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