I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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