Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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