You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
