i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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