I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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