Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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