We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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