quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
