Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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