I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
