the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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