So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i think i have herpe
just one?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
