Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
