toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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