Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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