Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
