I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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